My latest short film.
“Some periods of our growth are so confusing that we don’t even recognize that growth is happening. We may feel hostile or angry or weepy and hysterical, or we may feel depressed. It would never occur to us, unless we stumbled on a book or a person who explained to us, that we were in fact in the process of change, of actually becoming larger, spiritually, than we were before. Whenever we grow, we tend to feel it, as a young seed must feel the weight and inertia of the earth as it seeks to break out of its shell on its way to becoming a plant. Often the feeling is anything but pleasant. But what is most unpleasant is the not knowing what is happening. Those long periods when something inside ourselves seems to be waiting, holding its breath, unsure about what the next step should be, eventually become the periods we wait for, for it is in those periods that we realize that we are being prepared for the next phase of our life and that, in all probability, a new level of the personality is about to be revealed.”
— Alice Walker, Living By The Word
Ambrotype by Allan Barnes
Dress by Stella Dottir
A black and white Super 8 film vignette I directed. Mosh stars.
The intensity of watching my own work and seeing the story in knots before my eyes; what am I trying to say about myself, about sexuality, trauma, memory, the fantasies about life one creates in their mind? I am still discovering that, and I want to live my questions. I am reminded of a quietly strong willed 16-year-old girl who claimed her own power by picking up a Super 8 camera for the first time. I remember the girl who borrowed that flowing pink 1950’s dress from the neighborhood theater to wear in her first short film, starring herself, her father in drag applying lipstick, an her mother with an orange latex glove grabbing her own neck through a sweater. I remember the girl who at 17 embarked on making a movie on three kinds of film, telling the story of being haunted by a nostalgia for something that never existed in the place, and rediscovering her will to live. I remember that I love this girl. And I want her to live.